Signpost

image by Life is Good

(response to prompt from Poets & Writers Week 21)

It's been almost a year since I have added to this blog.  Of course, such a time lapse is a "no-no" in the blog world.  But most of my writings have gone to http://anitawritesforyou.blogspot.com .

However, today's write is about looking for markers, signposts, markers that guide me on my own spiritual path.  And I feel I am at another crossroads where the signpost (above) is significant.

For almost three years, I have been diligently working to become more optimistic.  I read today that optimism is moral courage.  And, also today, by David Brooks in the NY Times, the concept of "big love."  I have big love for my community of Tucson and affection for S. Arizona from my work years ago with the Arizona Community Foundation and UA Cooperative Extension.  My work since 2012 (leaving the paid community work because I felt it wasn't authentic and didn't inspire my loyalty nor affection) has been on generating positivity through Do Happy Today.  All good.

But, on a deeper level, I am searching for something more.  A month ago, I made a small emotional and financial commitment to join a two year spiritual group in the fall.  But my initial interview, a couple of weeks ago, stirred up anxiety about that commitment.  I felt trapped in a space and, literally, found it hard to breath in the living room where the interview took place.

Was it the room itself (too warm and stuffed with clothes hanging on movable closet racks, books, scattered on chairs, tables)?  Or were the questions and suggestions becoming barriers, not dooways, to my spiritual growth?

I still don't know.  I am waiting for a few more markers to show me the way.  But, for today, I will consider this marker: the yellow tape stretched across our neighborhood roads as they are being surfaced. The yellow tape won't be stopping our traffic forever.  It will be gone in two days with smoother roads to take us in and out.

So, perhaps there is yellow tape on my spiritual road right now.  I do have faith that, when the time is right, I will find my way.