end of the week

This week seemed to fly by and I have to watch that trend so that a relapse from the slow life to pre-ankle injury normal speed does not take place. I don't need to ramp up in that way. I need to still take things one step at a time and focus on balance--literally.

While my ankle continues to progress in strength, I have a long way to go, it seems. My mind keeps me from putting full weight on just the right leg as I practice stepping on a flat "ladder" at physical therapy. I seem to have soreness and my arch if I stand too long as I did this week at a work reception. A mantra I hear from my physical therapist is "focus on your core"--meaning my posture, glut muscles and hips so that I aligned and centered. As I seem to have more ankle flex, my calf muscle, front and back, aches more. My thigh muscle is still atropied so that I notice it, but probably no one else does. I have my ankle taped for the weekend which makes my ligments and soft tissue "remember" how to work properly. The tape also seems to serve as fake pressure on my soft tissue similar to the way Kevin, at ProActive, applies before I start my workout. As a result, today, I had new twinges on top of my foot as well as around the inside area of my ankle (where the dislocation extended the tissue the farthest and where, I suspect, somehow my two pins are located). Anyway, I just need to be aware and take care as I walk along, at a slow and reasonable pace.

My work life has gotten busy but not with real billable hours. This month appears to be very slim on income--again. That depresses me as I listen to the unemployment numbers and hear the stories of two more friends/colleagues who have lost their jobs in the past three weeks. I said "yes" maybe too quickly to a couple of projects that will pay a little but not much return on my time investment. I have to learn (still) the lesson of asking more questions before signing on to a project. I respond quickly because my ego gets in the way. The one project I was most doubtful about is the one that is turning out to be the most exciting and that's a good thing.

Sunday marks the one year anniversary of my mom's death. I was going through my closet today and found one of her jackets that still smells like her. That was comforting to me and I am beginning to be open to reworking some writing about her. Eventually, I will relook at older photos, too, but not quite yet. I hope to get to Mt. Lemmon and read a poem aloud, maybe make a paper airplane with the poem on it and let it soar in the canyons--. When I get paid, I will make a small donation to Reading Seed because mom loved to read to us and, in the end, that was the last pleasure I think she had: to be read to, as she drifted into River Styx.

Death looms its tentacles around my summer plants, brought on my heat and blowing winds. It's a part of the cycle but when it affects family and friends, it tears me into little bits of soul.

This sounds very sad and gloomy and I am more tired than sad and gloomy. I hope to sleep in past 6 a.m. tomorrow and appreciate the lengthening shadows of early morning as, very slowly, the sun begins to shift toward the end of summer. So, at the end of the week, I want to be grateful for my health, for the family and friends I can open up and be myself with, whom I can support and for the sunsets which glimmer with rainbows in the distant mountains.