lights out

rough night last nite. after dinner, my husband shared a conversation he had with his brother-in-law who sells sugery hardware similar to what will be "installed" in my ankle next week. the gist of the info that I heard is that it will take up to a year to get me back to my pre-fall mobility. I was really depressed about that and wanted to just get to bed. Fortunately, the last and cheery episode of "Ugly Betty" was on t.v. and I was lifted a bit by Betty's ongoing buoyance and bravery and the candy colors of the sets and clothes.

But my ankle was aching on and off and at 2 a.m. I woke up to a total power outage in our neighborhood. I had been having a bad dream with a stalker following me in a nasty looking hotel and so when I woke up to total darkness I freaked out and made Mark grab flashlights to see what was going on. It took an hour for power to be restored and in between that time I was awake, listening to Mark snoring. Right before it went on, our dog, Lia, who sleeps on the leather couch in the living room and, since she is part Australian heeler, often lies on her back, legs splayed to all directions, well, she rolled of the couch and landed with a yelp on her back. Mark did go back to sleep but snored in spite of his nose patch, decongestant and nasal spray.

After saying my prayers and affirmations many times, I finally fell back to sleep and dreamt about a shining light in the sky that landed, upright like a space shuttle, with visitors expected to disembark. In the dream, the PR team I do, in reality sometimes work with and/or for, had pulled together a working team to make a sign welcoming these cosmic visitors. When I did finally get up and listened to the radio news, I heard that a meteor and sonic boom was seen during the night, not here in the SWester desert, but in northern Illinois, where I grew up. How eerie.

So, today, the sunlight shines again and I know I need to feel my feelings of fear and frustration as well as those of optimism and acceptance. Lights will go off from time to time, total darkness will descend, but out there, somewhere there is a meteor extending its silver arc across the sky, reminding us earthlings of the expansive depths of what we don't know, don't understand, and often can't imagine. That large universe exists, as we do, suspended in time, holding on to the edges of what we call life.