sunday morning

I was awakened with the birds, sometime around 5 a.m., I guess, so I am about ready for a nap already at 10--. Certainly a different day cycle than my usual, but then I am just in a different place for awhile. Some pain twinges woke me and I lay there, breathing deeply, trying to imagine light and warmth around my ankle, relaxing so that Mark could sleep a little longer. We got up by 7 and he's dragging too. We had enough presence of mind for him to take photos of my bruises before they completely fade away; put the photos into a file for future reference with the ladder.

I am so lucky in many ways: I can sit outside in the pleasant April air, watch my birds push each other around like dock workers jocking for wages. A couple of these males (deduced by watching them mate) are very nasty. I think I will give them names such as Richard and Duke. When they aren't mating, they are chasing other doves away as if there weren't enough seed for all (which there is). One is molting; I will call her Mabel--she already looks like a feather duster (with feet).

Other good fortunes: friends who call and care, a husband who (partly still fueled by survivor guilt from the accident, but mostly by love and concern) stops off at Safeway to buy one decandent pastry that we share, as we seem to do most of things lately. I felt a bit better about Tuesday's surgery after talking with my sister-in-law's husband, a former ER nurse and currently a salesperson for hardware similar to what my doctor will be using for my ankle. One detail that he clarified for me is that the "year" of recovery I heard relayed from Mark's conversation with him a few days ago, was in reference to comparing types of surgerical hardware, not the recovery itself which is more like 14-18 weeks.

I had to accept about a nine month recovery when I herniated my disc in '89 (course I was younger then), and so I can (if I have to) live with4 months. Let's see April 20 (surgery date) to August--. Through the desert summer, lots of swimming, I hope, maybe a little travel and some work, if I am lucky, too.

I was reading about some free online education courses in the NY Times supplement today. I got through my back injury, in part, by laying on my back and taking a poetry course through PCC. That led to my starting my doctoral program in fall 1990. So, whether it's about writing or something else, I may look into that option. So I am trying to look ahead, past Tuesday and be hopeful.

Backto the birds: Richard and Duke seem to be more mellow now and Mabel has flown the coop. I imagine her with her shedding feathers, dusting off golden Acacia pollen from a window frame, making the pollen fly in the muted sun. A brown sparrow dips its beak into the bird bath, almost tipping over into the pool. Yet another task I need to ask Mark to attend to. Maybe next week I will be able to get up and pour water into the bird bath by myself, but today, I am still only a sunday morning observer.