rough start to the week

I didn't sleep well and woke up with muscle cramp in my back. I seem to be waking up about an hour before the birds do (and about 2 hours before Mark), so I lie there, watching the shadows of the (now infamous) eucalyptus trees bounce on the wall. Then light begins to emerge and the shadows fade, and the birds begin to carol and daylight comes.

I had an early appt. with my ortho specialist and it went pretty fast but I felt as if I had been knocked around mentally. She, Dr. C or Peg, cut through my leg wrapping and looked at my skin which, tho bruised, looked pretty good to her and to me, amazingly intact. Then, in answer to my questions, she described preop, the surgery and postop--all of which was more intense than I wanted to hear. She described the "hardware" which was much larger (4 " plate and two 2" screws) than I anticipated. She explained that it wasn't the dislocation that caused the fractures but the fractures that caused the dislocation More truth and facts than I wanted, I guess.

From there, thankfully, I went for a massage which began with my tears that I haven't yet shed very much. I was angry about the accident, angry that the damn latch on the ladder failed and that my life has been fractured, not only my ankle. I feel scared about the unknown and come back to Step 1 (my life is unmanageable) over and over again. But Step 2 (I came to believe), is the next step and my Higher Power this week includes Dr. C and my masseuse, Shana. So I turned it over to Shana (Step 3) and she did the massage and added a shakra, healing touch element. As she bent over my injured ankle I imagined healing and wholeness and Ifelt the inside fractured bone move. Very strange. I cried some more.

When I left (after making an optimistic appt. for Thursday and beginning a "routine" of M/Th treatments), Mark said my face looked completely relaxed, pain free.

Once I find out when I will be in queue for surgery, I can confirm with D. that he can come over tomorrow to do hypnotherapy prior to surgery. Hey, I am trying what I can to ease my weary body (only 2nd week with 6-8 to go, sigh) through these passages. Friends and Mark help hold me up), Lia, my dog, gladdens me when I move from couch to patio to couch to bed, and I know I have a spiritual source to lighten my path. So one step at a time, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1....