signs of spring

Yesterday I had a late afternoon visit with a friend, Susan, and her 18 month old son. It was heart-lifting to watch him toddle around (he navigates space much better than I do at this stage), picking up tennis balls and throwing them to Lia, our 10 year-old nanny-dog, who was a gentle as cotten with him. When she was but a three year old, my then 3 and 4 year old nephew and niece, respectively, often stayed with us in the summer during the last full year of my mother-in-law's life and her battle with colon cancer. I guess the imprint of those early days with young children stayed with Lia during these more barren-of-child years and so it all came back to her yesterday.

It came back to me, too: the 26 years ago time of Aron toddling around our backyard on San Juan Terrace. A small pine cone was a mystery, a budding flower was a wonder. The soft skin of a very small child is like the finest silk and more valuable because it is a living touch. So that visit and those memories were the major highlight of my day.

We did go out for a short drive and saw the two young foals (about a month-6weeks old) and the newest (about a week old) at the UA farms close to our house. The young one's legs were twice as long as her body and it was amusing to watch the difference between the three of them: the distance they made between themselves and their respective mothers modelled the difference in their ages. The youngest kept her nose nuzzled in her mother's flanks as they walked, the middle one, brushed his nose against his mother's tail and the oldest, almost already an impudent adolescent, lagged behind a couple of lengths, tossing his head and prancing.

Other than these moments, I struggled, a bit, with depression and a sense of loss. My sleep last night was disturbed by the feeling of tiny pins pricking the outside of my leg, on the bone where the plate was placed. I did dream, though, and morning sounds are settling in as I finish my blog for the day. Another cool front comes tomorrow but today should be warm and windy. So, I will act "as if" I am contented, even though my spirit is restless and my mind wants to wander.