It's not easy

This business or task that I need to do each day, putting weight on the ankle is not an easy one. Yesterday I shed tears of fatigue and frustration and I didn't have a good night's sleep. My ankle ached (not where the bones or plate or screws are, but around the tissue and tendons where stiffnes sets in) and my left leg ached, too, still does this morning. I think I need to take tylenol again as I "up" the effort. Maybe that will help.

I need a change of scenery and attitude also, but the former won't be happening for three weeks when we fly to Colorado for the 4th of July. An attitude shift is something I can do, have done repeatedly throughout these two months, and it takes energy I don't feel I have today. Swimming later this morning will kick in the endorphins and that should help. Over email, I received notice yesterday that a small grant I am part of got funding and so I will have a quick trip to New Orleans the end of July. Since one of my good friends (and chauffeur) will also be part of this grant, I hope we can extend our visit by a day or two and, even more essential, I hope I can walk in New Orleans. Walking just seems like a distant reality to me. As I wrote yesterday, I don't want to write about my current life and I just don't feel much like writing, other than the blog, at all again "just for today." I am physically, mentally, and spiritually stuck.

No easy answers are rippling up in my consciousness, no new small tasks I can take on to demonstrate that progress is being made. Just more laps in the water, more steps at the shallow end--that will have to suffice for acts of moving forward for today.