questions

I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep with cascading fears and frustrations; so, when I did get back to sleep, I slept in a bit and woke to find myself "abandoned" by my husband who, denying my incapacities and acquiescing to his work fears, left for work. I almost tripped trying to retrieve yogurt and a spoon out of the refrig and that started a waterfall of tears. Hence, an emotional beginning.

I have asked work colleagues to call me because I feel so isolated and, finally, one of them did and that helped me work through a layer of questions and frustrations about work. Each layer of life takes energy and mindfulness that I used to take for granted. My dad should be released from the hospital and I had to set boundaries with my sister about what I cannot do, i.e. I cannot get there to help him get back home; she has to do that. And I got a call from my aunt in Illinois yesterday who was complaining that I hadn't called her to thank her for family photos she sent which arrived the week of my accident. Yikes!!!

Yesterday, when I was with the kids, I talked with them about becoming my "Ambassadors of Compassion"--opening doors for the elderly and disabled, being patient with others who move slowly, being kind. And, of course, being the young mind-sponges they are, they "got it"--even opened the car door for me before Mark could get to it.

When do we lose compassion? When do we become so motivated by self-centered fears that we deny the obvious needs of others. How can those who need help raise their voices to ask for help--and keep asking after it's been ignored? How do we accept the realities life gives us, the limits we want to ignore?

I don't have many answers today. Just questions about how to live in balance with a stiff ankle, a foot the color of a plum and a mind that needs to be stilled.