stitches out

Yesterday, Dr. Chilvers clipped my stitches out. I guess I imagined a ripping out scene as I used to witness as my mom tore out hems on my dresses and slacks, pulling out the strings with a vengeance she deferred from some bothersome incident at work or snipy conversation with her mother onto the fabric and thread.

But, fortunately for me, Dr. C. didn't have displaced anger: just midwestern-born efficiency, clip, clip and out they came. She seemed to view my ankle "progress", as I proudly demonstrated it, with mild amusement. I felt like I did in 2nd grade when I took Mrs. Winbigler my "homework project" and wanted her to not just say it was "okay" or "good", but I wanted her to rave about the colors on the page, the neatness of my design, my excellence. I wanted "excellent" yesterdy, but didn't quite hit the mark. So I had to settle for my own estimation of progress which is still too little, too slow. Oh, well. Next step will be to actually now get to a pool and figure out what I can do, how hard to push it, accept my limits, be humbled and grateful I can move somewhere again.

We went to Starbucks after the dr's appointment and even tho I stared at the customers nested at the two handicap tables (at each large table, there was one female with her laptop and papers all spread out), neither person was willing to move to let me sit down with my boot and walker. The self-centeredness, sense of me-ness, is my bone of contention right now, as it affects those temporarily and permanently disabled. It really is awful.

Today, I will go back to the kids at Pueblo Gardens and take us all away to "Princess Bride" adventures. In contrast to the piggishness of the young women at Starbucks, the kids, last week, applauded as I entered the room and deftly set up my chair on rollers with another chair to carry my ankle. They are such sweeties. I wish I could drag the Republican legislature into this classroom, and Sec. of Education, Tom Horne, to see what their teachers do every day, what challenges they face, how the impact of no library, no librarian, no music, no art--how all that limits these kids who come from poverty and yet, have hearts and minds (and stomachs--all of the school is on USDA food plans) hungry to be filled.

I don't know if dad is coming out of the hospital today but I know I can't walk the halls to visit him if he isn't, so will just leave his outcomes up to his Higher Power.

I asked my colleagues at work to please "check in." I feel too detached from consulting and look forward to tomorrow's visit by UA colleagues on a small grant involvming women's voices and community change created by women. I have an "in" box full of papers I need to go through but one thing at a time today. My horoscope says I am "accident prone" and I need to be mindful, so I am going to take each step with mindfulness today!