without a boot?

Another night of struggle-sleep with my gd ankle boot.

In between tossing and turning, I did have vivid dreams of traveling on hills (second night in a row; the previous night I was driving on a freeway, stomach tight with the turns and exit ramps), stranded in Mexico (I can recall the sight of a small farmer's market where vendors sold watermelons, dripping with red juice and--a dream anamoly(sp?)--baked pizzas). In Mexico, I was with Mark and Aron, searching for a friend's daughter who was prostituting on the sidewalks. We didn't find her but men chased us down the hilly streets, throwing rocks at us. I remember waking up and thinking: "this is Jesus' parable turned inside out--the pimps are throwing rocks at us while we are trying to save a prostitute."

And I recall these dreams with the only "drug" I take before sleep: one 500 mg tylenol. I don't know if I still need to take it, but I do, mostly to help me think I won't be uncomfortable during the night. And, though I have twinges from time to time, the discomfort is the weight of the boot. It either pulls my leg downward if I sleep on my back, or, if I try to sleep on my left, the weight of it on my right has to be perfectly buffered by a) pillow and b) leg positions. I have learned I cannot sleep on my right. Somehow the weight of it tenses up my right side so much that, with my right hand tucked under the pillow that I try to cram under my neck to counterbalance the weight, I wake up (twice) with a cramp under my armpit/near my breast that goes away when I move out of the position but, of course, does wake me up.

I go to sleep easily--tired from recovery and, lately, the much welcomed swim exercise I am trying to do at least 4x a week. I am improving my side stroke strength but the breaststroke is wobbly at best--something about that stiff right ankle and weight of it throws off my form. My masseuse says my back muscles show some relaxation so that's an improvement. My hands, though, still ache from the walker tho they are not getting worse. In talking with the Y aquatics director he told me of his broken leg/crutches story and he, too, suffered from impact of the crutches on his hands and armpits. My question is: why aren't the doctors or PT staff telling us of this at the outset so we can prevent this preventable discomfort? Seems to me they would want us up and walking (to prevent blood clots for one reason) but this kind of side effect can be immobilizing.

My horoscope today speaks of my probably feeling "hemmed in" and how I need to figure out how to get what I want within these constraints. Well, I guess I am figuring that out, slowly, as long as the "what I want" excludes what I ca't control, such as walking or sleeping. Example of a want partially realized: we made plans last night to fly to see friends in Colorado over July 4--a date, I hope, when I can celebrate my personal independence from the walker, even though my walking distances will still be limited.

For the near future, I am wanting small signs of progress: not great leaps across canyons but a short journey down the street, and sleeping without a boot!!