reality bites

I saw my doctor today and got my big, black moonboot. It's still a lug to haul around but lighter than the cast. I still have to wear it to bed which I was hoping was going to not be the case, but I can take it off to shower. I will have the stitches another week and can't try pool exercise until then.

My ankle didn't look too bad and the xrays looked good. I couldn't figure out how the screws/pins would work with the bone, but I do now that I have seen the pictures.

I asked about taking a trip in mid-June and the dr. pretty much squashed that idea, saying I would be going slow and still have swelling until July. That I didn't expect. I also didn't expect my calf muscle to have atrophied so distinctly. I also hurt a bit as the dr. showed me my stretch-the-ankle exercise that I have to do 2x a day (when the boot is off). But my masseuse (thank goodness I had a massage today) said that the muscle will come back but, like the recovery, it will take time.

As I left the dr's, I had a wave of anger, frustration and grief again. Mark was a bit short-tempered and that set me off into tears. We went to Rincon Market and I calmed down with some food (including a blueberry turnover) and a very weak caffe latte. I have to adjust to each "step" of this recovery: how little control I have and the message keeps coming to me over and over. Sometimes, like waves in a ocean can come, I feel overwhelmed and adrift. But then the reality settles in, just as the sun sets in the horizon, and I feel acceptance.

I know I will get through this.